Tomorrow’s the big day. You know, the day when I’ll be responsible for two little human beings… kinda frightening. (I keep reminding myself that plenty of people seemingly less competent than I have multiple kids and they are OK.)
I don’t really know what else we could have done to prepare for November 14, 2008. We’ve spiffed up the house (OK, mostly my mom has!), we have all sorts of baby clothes and a menagerie of other things that makes having a baby easy (swing, stroller, diapers, bouncer, Bumbo, wipes, swaddlers, pacifiers, toys…) We’ve talked to Bug about a baby brother coming to live with us, she’s picked him out a present and made him a card. We have a present ready for Bug from baby brother when she comes to the hospital. The fam is ready to take of the Bug here all weekend. The hospital bags are packed. Bug’s officially sleeping in her toddler bed and the crib is newbornified again.
Yet I still feel this turmoil. Like there’s something left undone. Like there’s something I can’t control. I hate that feeling!
I’ve tried to soak up my moments with Bug this week. We enjoyed the zoo, we’ve eaten out, and played and read. The stuff we do all the time, I guess I was just ticking off the last this and the last that. It kinda doesn’t seem fair that she has no idea what’s coming.
But then I remember the wonderful memories I have with my siblings– made-up games, silly times, goofy things we did, our traditions, our fights, our secrets, our love– and I feel so happy that God is blessing Bug with a buggy brother.
I dread putting her to bed tonight just because I feel like our relationship is changing. This girl is so precious to me. She’s never shared me before… She is so special in my heart because I’ve learned so much from her. I had never been thrown up on before her. I never woke up so many times during the night until she was born. I have wondered as she’s grown and changed and learned. I have even learned so much about my Heavenly Father and my precious Savior from her. She made me a mommy the day she took her first breath. I’ll always be a mommy because of her.
I eagerly look forward to tomorrow. I love my little Bug so much, and my heart for her runs so deep. I can’t wait to feel love multiply as I hold my two precious babies at once.
You’re only a day away…