Things I Didn’t Know Before I Was a Mom

  1. Man may not be able to live on bread alone, but moms can totally survive on coffee and leftover mac-n-cheese.
  2. What was found in baby’s diaper is completely acceptable dinner conversation between spouses. (I saw party confetti in Ladybug’s diaper one time…)
  3. Bribes are not only OK but necessary to keep the peace sometimes. If you smile for this picture, Mommy will give you a big lollipop!
  4. Moms spend way more time coordinating and picking out baby’s wardrobe than their own. (Maybe this has something to do with the fact that whatever I choose to wear will end up pooped on, peed on, spit up on, or otherwise dirtied?! Apparently to some small people I look like a human napkin.
  5. Time alone is priceless. Even half an hour alone in the bathroom to read a magazine or take a shower (and shave!) can turn an awful day into a decent one.
  6. Accessories are not for beauty, but for baby to have play things when they get bored in public. Same thing with keys and cell phones.
  7. A baby making a HUGE mess with spaghetti sauce all over the floor, high chair, face, hair, bib, clothes, diaper, feet, and table is adorable and will take up about 2GB on a camera’s memory card.
  8. Grandparents: can’t live with them, can’t live without them. They are in a class all by themselves.
  9. A mom’s life is not her own. Traveling to ballet class, doing preschool activities, helping with homework, nursing the baby, disciplining disobedience, making snacks, fixing dinner, washing clothes, finding missing shoes, packing backpacks, making lunches, taking pictures, seizing teachable moments, emailing grandparents, bathing babies, laying out clothes, vacuuming floors, wiping noses, changing diapers, answering why? 27,857 times a day, pushing swings, playing pee-a-boo, reading books…
  10. There is no job more emptying and yet more fulfilling than being a mom. These days, every little moment is so precious.

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