Our home study is tomorrow and I have bitten all the white off my finger nails.
Anxious (and gross) much?!
It’s like I’m fully expecting him to say, “You people do not deserve another precious baby– you aren’t even good parents to the three you have!” ‘Cause I know the truth– this is a tough job, and I’m not a perfect parent. By a long stretch.
Sometimes (more than I would like to admit) I yell at my kids. And I set bad behavior examples for them all the time (being selfish, being proud, gossiping, judging, being jealous…) And I feed them more peanut butter and jelly and hot dogs than any human should consume. And sometimes I let them skip taking a bath (I do make them change their underwear though.) And I don’t make them wear matching clothes out of the house. And some days I play on Facebook instead of playing with them. And I let them eat ice cream more than they should because then I can eat ice cream without having to share mine.
I guess my deepest fear is that our social worker will call out my junk and say we aren’t worthy of adoption. I know I don’t deserve the honor of raising another kid– heck, I don’t deserve the honor of raising the three I have now!
So, here we go. We’re jumping into the great deep unknown of home studies and dossiers and international mail. And I don’t even have any fingernails to claw my way out.