And then I Saw Her Face

Truly, I am overly sentimental. I think deeply about things, and cherish the moments right before changes happen. I like to note how I feel right before something big happens, savoring the butterflies fluttering around my insides. And the butterflies were going crazy that morning!

That day, I showered, dressed, ate breakfast in the hotel resturant and found myself with extra minutes. (Strange, I never have extra minutes!) I sat on the unmade bed to think and pray and I hastily scribbled in my journal about how eight years previously I had been waiting to meet my first daughter, and now I was awaiting my first introduction to my second. I could hardly steady my hand to write for all the butterfly migration happening between my liver and my lungs, so I left off the thought with a …

Finally, it was time to head downstairs. Our attendant suggested we have our meeting at the outside terrace of the hotel, so we picked out a table and sat down. She was explaining what we should expect of the first meeting. All of a sudden, she was gazing outside of the hotel cafe and time slowed considerably. Was this it? Oh my goodness, this is it! I took a deep breath, exhaling my nerves. This was it. This group of people moving our direction represent a moment I have been waiting over four years for. This is what it feels like for your life to change in an instant.

A little face was peering at us from the stroller, and I bent down to say hello to my daughter. Her foster father said something to her and she began to giggle. I didn’t want to overwhelm her, so I backed up to my chair as everyone took places around the table and we were introduced to Lovebug’s entourage. The foster parents, the foster brother, the social worker, the psychologist. Small talk was exchanged and I kept sneaking peeks at the sweet little face as the conversation swirled around us in two languages.

The psychologist began to walk Lovebug around holding her hands, so she could explore. I focused my attention on the questions about us, and then we were invited to ask whatever we wanted. I searched the depths of my brain trying to recall what I was supposed to ask. What would Lovebug ask one day, that I would want to have an answer for? What did the adoption books say to ask? What had I read about gaining good information about your child? I had nothing.

I didn’t realize it but the psychologist had walked Love up behind me, and before I could react, she plopped my daughter into my lap. Lovebug squirmed for just a moment when she realized she didn’t know me. I offered over the dolly we had brought her as well as a play bottle and a musical mirror. She relaxed against me as she began to explore the spoils I held.

Her hair smelled like magic. Pure baby magic.

Her chubby hands worked over the surface of the mirror, and I was thankful to feel how solid her little body was. Her foster mom began handing her chunks of chocolate bread and I realized with a smile how she is so chubby. 🙂

The schedule for the week was discussed, among other things, I really have no clue. Because I was holding and smelling and kissing and enjoying my baby girl. After four long years, dreams were being birthed into reality.

I got up to walk Lovebug around. She grabbed my hands and began walking (maybe it was more of a chubby baby jog– she is FAST!) and she was saying something over and over. The attendant with us told me she was saying, “Come on! Come on!” and my heart melted like a Popsicle on the 4th of July. Because Baby Girl, I would walk forever behind you, holding your dimpled hands and laughing at your sweet little voice.

Soup was ordered for Lovebug’s lunch about noon, and she sat on my lap while I fed her a gruel of soup and bread. She ate like a champ (thighs like what!) and began to fuss when she realized her portion was finished. I reluctantly handed her back over to her foster mom and said good-bye…

 

 

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