Google-ing Momfessions

It always amuses me to see what kinds of random Google searches land unsuspecting curious souls here at Momfessions. Let me share a few that made me chuckle (and some that made me shake my head) tonight:

  • “i’m not pregnant i’m just fat”: Yea, me too.
  • “white kid breastfeeding”: Uh yea, I had three of those
  • “sparkly things”: I don’t see much of this around here. Funny story about this, about two years ago we were going to be out of town for our anniversary. While we were leaving town Hubby said, “I thought you could choose a piece of jewelry on our vacation for our anniversary…” I absolutely swooned inside thinking that was so romantic of him to let me choose something sparkly I loved until he added, “because I forgot to get you a gift.” Haha, he should have kept his mouth shut!
  • “can a flabby mom get super fit?”: I sure hope so.
  • “babies are human beings”: Yes they should be. Definitely a cause for concern if yours aren’t.
  • “pooped and sat in it”: I’m sorry?
  • “pictures obedient children”: Ha ha ha
  • “i hate bath, dinner, bed time”: Don’t we all sometimes? Hang in there, mama!
  • “daughter swallowed hair clip”: Ah, yes. Been there, done that. It’ll pass, but if she starts throwing up, you might want to have her seen by a doctor…
  • “pink justin bieber sewing machine”: Uhhh… I’m not really sure what you’re looking for. (Maybe you don’t even really know?) I don’t think Momfessions is the right place though.
  • “sloppy poop in potty”: Do you mean diarrhea? Or as Ladybug calls it– coffee poop?

Well, that was entertaining. Thanks for sending ’em over here Google– although on some of those I suspect you didn’t know where else to direct them.

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Random Schmattering: Single Parent Edition

Caution: this post contains a lot of potty-talk. If poop and pee bother you, click away, quick!
  • Hubby is out for the week, helping with some disaster relief projects in another city. I am so proud of my husband, and I love his genuine desire to serve others, but y’all— this single parenting thing is not for the faint of heart! Seriously. I don’t think there’s enough coffee in the entire world for this job solo.
  • On a related note: my children are sinners. Amen. (Of course, they get it from they mama…)
  • Tonight (a mere five hours after purchasing a Congrats-you’re-really-potty-trained present for Stinkbug) he pooped in his underwear. And not a nice, clean poop either. Blame the single parenting gig, or my gag reflexes, or just plain laziness, but I threw the poopy underwear into a grocery bag, tied it off, and threw it away. (I’ve also been known to do the same for Tupperware I find in the fridge and just can’t stomach tackling.) Don’t judge.
  • Speaking of the potty… the other night I found Doodlebug playing in a toilet full of pee that his brother did not flush. I fished this toy out of the potty:
After I gagged and washed it thoroughly and then washed it again. I just had to laugh. Did you get it? “Piston”… and it was literally “pissed on”. Hahahahahahahahaha. I need coffee.
  • Also speaking of the potty, I found this in Doodlebug’s diaper the other day:
I’m not really sure how that happened. And I choose to believe that it somehow just got in his diaper without traveling the entire length of his digestive tract… it might take the cake for the weirdest item I’ve ever found in a diaper. 
  • I am tired and ready for my husband to come home. And I can’t wait to go out by myself once he’s home and drink a coffee (or seven) and just exist in silence alone for awhile… but really, I do love my kids. Sometimes I happen upon a moment of sibling endearment and I just stop and wonder at the gift that is these three precious little souls in my care…
Of course, ten minutes later they’re snatching and snitching and hanging on my legs crying while I cook dinner, and then refusing to eat the dinner I make because it’s “yucky”… But really, I do love them. Really. (And what would my blog be without their antics????)

More poop than you would ever care to read about.

Someone found my blog this weekend by Googling “kid pooping underwear”. I’m sorry that they probably didn’t find any helpful information here because MY KID IS STILL POOPING IN HIS UNDERWEAR.
Really. I am not sure how this is supposed to go. With Ladybug it was easy- she had the promise of a shiny, new toy, and she started pooping and peeing in the potty. Easy. Done. Potty-trained.
Not so with Stinkbug. One day he poops on the floor right in front of the potty. Then he poops in his underwear. Then he poops in his diaper and finishes in a new diaper. I already told you that poop ended up in the laundry which I am still having nightmares about. This morning I cleaned poop off the bottom of Ladybug’s foot which sent me on a hunt to find poop on the couch and on the floor in the living room. I am not sure if it was Stinkbug’s or Doodlebug’s poop, but it doesn’t really matter who pooped, what matters the most is that MY CHILDREN SONS ARE IN A POOP CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME.
I thought I would reason with the potty-training child:
Me: Stinkbug, does it feel good to poop in your underwear?
SB: Yes. (and he continues playing)
So, no dice on the reasoning.
I made a cool new sticker chart to encourage pooping in the potty, so he could earn a toy. Nope.
I have tried to bribe with candy, even upping the ante to two lollipops if he will just poop in the dang potty. No luck yet.
I can’t say I’m surprised. Stinkbug has always been a pooper–as evidenced here by a blowout which resulted in a bathtub full of poopy water and pajamas thrown in the trash:

I’m sure one day as I fret about curfews and driver’s licenses and girlfriends and colleges, I’ll miss these days of fretting about poop. And that thought makes me smile… and almost makes me feel grateful for these poopy days.